– joseph gordon-levitt’s tumblr (i love him!!! )
– rian johnson’s tumblr (guy who made the movie “brick”)
– serindipitously stumbled upon a friend’s current fixation and some artifacts lying around
– a segment of my vertebrae

he smelled of mosquito repellent, the modern kind which wafts across the room when plugged in. he wore a blue, short-sleeved shirt with (i imagine to be) sailor-prints, and white slacks that were a little too loose around the crotch. he had an American accent like a voice-over announcer, a little roughed by years of talking in conversational Bisaya that came out in certain words. and he talked fondly of California – the shapes and forms of its landscape, its welcome diversity, how his wife is over there managing a retirement home or care-giving business or something and how the theater company also has an offshoot there. his voice doesn’t show that he actually wants to go and live there but when he talks of California, it almost feels like he’s talking of a foregone Promised Land.

…was set right at the epicenter of the storm that was the Japanese occupation. it was about a girl named Amadea (cool name), whose husband went off to fight in the guerilla movement while she was left manning the household, caring for their sick child and infant boy, and worrying about her husband being gone, hoping he will return alive and well, at the very least, and not abandon them like her own American father did. Despite the questions surrounding her abandonment issues with her father, she was still hoping that they’ll someday be reunited in California, like he “promised”. while waiting for any news of her husband, a psychic instinct suddenly came over her that made her realize her father might be dying at that very moment, and thus, through her father’s “ghost”, she confronted her father issues and finally had her closure. in the end, her husband came home alive and well as hoped, bearing vials of the precious meds their sick child needed.

that plot was divided into 3 acts that went for 2 hours, and was told in a way like how grandmothers tell a story. based on the majority of grannies in attendance, i think this was actually their story to tell.
only lola’s story of how she and lolo met could make the unruly kids stop bouncing off walls (just to clarify: a generic lola, not my lola). of course in between that there’d be anecdotes of how they hid from the Japanese, how they were almost caught, how they used to swim at the lake out back, how they chatted and flirted with the American “Joes”, until they met lolo and had a family together, and thus here we are talking about it. we kids would usually drift off around the part where they start romanticizing about the old days swimming in the lake or eating chocolates and learning English from the American “Joes”.

i think it went on too long because of the expositional anecdotes added to the first act monologue. in fact the whole first act was a monologue. at first i thought lopping off the first act monologue altogether will make the plot tighter, but it would be disrespectful of the memories of our lolos and lolas so i think it could still work if there were other secondary characters with “special” participation (as in not necessarily realistic) in the anecdotes.

minor comment as well to the script: it was in English but it would add more local flavor if there were some Bisaya expressions added to the exaggerated Bisaya accent in humorous parts of the script. i think the lolas in the audience would also appreciate that.

i figured the play was probably about the playwright’s mom, since his sister was in the audience and introduced herself during the Q&A. she told everyone how some scenes actually happened in real life and that she’s thankful to her brother that he staged it this year, their mom’s centenary. how sweet. a lot of relatives were in attendance as well, reaffirming their participation in scenes that depicted parts of their family history. they even mistook me for a granddaughter to which i slowly retreated from (“ohnohnohno, please don’t pick me, i have a phobia for graded recitation and socializing! shit!”). it suddenly turned into a family reunion, grannies reminiscing about the occupation, stuff like that. it suddenly made me miss my Sprite-loving, Heno de Pravia-smelling lola – very, very forgiving, caring, deeply pious but stern in a non-manipulative, non-authoritarian way, like no other lola could ever be.

(sorry, i just made my review all about me again. i needed to put a spin to my last paragraph somehow. honest! it made me vividly remember my lola again.)

when i’m really stressed and exhausted and peeved, those things fuzz everything around me, making me think and act like the whole world revolves around me, that i’m the only one suffering and that the rest of the world should deal with it. while this may be an everyday occurrence to some people around me, my prickly behaviour sometimes sting more than the usual even by desensitized standards (and boy, are they desensitized. these guys are made of lead or something.). the weird thing about me is that as soon as the sting is out and it’s too late to even say “oops, i take it back”, i suddenly realize that my misery and circumstance are not so special after all. guilt is a very powerful and humbling feeling. but because i’m such a sissy and we don’t talk about our feelings and do group therapy sessions together because those are just lame and cheesy and we’re not really crazy people, i couldn’t talk to you guys straight about how sorry i am for acting like such a douche for the past 2 days. there, i said it. i’m a self-centered, self-important douche and i’m sorry.

now, about that krista-manny thing…

nakangiti na naman siya
abot hanggang umaga
bunga ng mga pre-paid
na sandali
mahal magpa-unli.

the big picture gets blurry when i’m stressed and pissed especially by surprising details that come out of nowhere. it’s times like these when i wish i wasn’t a high-strung, crusty old hag and was instead the silent shy nice-to-everyone type.

the wakefulness at 4am is a pre-occupation of people who work the night shift, those with restless thoughts too loud to ignore, and those who cling to the comfort of night fighting against the certainty of daybreak that will snatch away those few moments of bliss. i wish you could see.

(video reminds me of that foo fighters song “walking after you”. knock-off. but i’m such a sap, i think i’m gonna watch nicholas sparks’ “dear john” on the basis of this song. hayyret.)

it is with fondness and melancholy that i remember that it could’ve been five years today except that it will never be because of almost five months ago. but i’m okay now, i think.

there was a female cover of the cure’s “boys don’t cry” from an obscure compilation by jam 88.3 which will always remind me of 2004, when it was blaring over the speakers of every stinky, dirty, speeding bus i was on then. it also happens to be a nice ending track to a playlist. (click on “boys don’t cry” in this playlist. check out the lovely arrangement around the instrumental. sorry, don’t know how to rip mp3s from myspace)

completely forgot to add a future palanca awardee to my blogroll, so i’m making amends by making a short post about it. to my 2 friends (imaginary and real) out there who are constant visitors, and those who happen to pass by looking to leech a reaction paper, cecil’s blog is a literary must-read. it also has some super nice photos of her adventures, plus the occasional poignant short story or thought-provoking, sometimes tear-duct-exercising essay. enjoy amigos!

i confess that i am a closet michael jackson fan. i know the lyrics to his most popular songs, i used to buy collectors’ edition “song hits” where all of his songs were featured and i was always fascinated by the man who sang and danced in brilliant music videos that validated MTV. “thriller”, “billie jean”, “smooth criminal”, “black or white” and “remember the time” (that scene where he turned to dust was very cool; and iman as queen of egypt? classic.) were the ones that i vividly remember watching as a kid growing up in a place where MTV came too late. i never really planned on seeing “This Is It” for i cynically dismissed it as a way to profit off of a dead celebrity. the same way i dismissed his announcement of a last, great concert that will serve as a “curtain call” to his long floundering career. my sister convinced me since our cousin told her it was good. the reviews from similarly cynical-minded critics were encouraging also. so i went. and i remembered why the man is a legend, an artist and why i was a fan. he was a perfectionist, a control freak, and self-assured. he did choreography, designed sets, arranged his own songs, and even chose the principal dancers. he said in the middle of rehearsing “the way you make me feel” (lounge version) when a drummer made a misstep: “i gotta cue thatam the cue” (corrected myself because misquotes are as embarassing as grammatical errors i might’ve paraphrased this for dramatic effect, but whatever). it was so telling of how everything in that concert revolved around the man, how he wanted everything to turn out, and how it was to be done. he wrote those songs, sang them and danced to them, and so everything else should be an extension of the man, as one of the choreographers said. he pushed the guitarist doing the “Beat It” riffs because it was her time to shine. he told the musical director to “let it simmer” when he felt that a note was too sudden to be played, make it slower “like you’re just getting out of bed”. “this should be funki-ER” about “wanna be starting something” when he wanted more bass lines in the arrangement (i think he wanted to one-up prince here, or emulate at least). and those were just the part of the musical direction of the concert. he seemed to have a lot of respect for his crew not to embarass or chide them on their faults, or do some diva-outs (of course they may have ended up in the cutting room floor, but the guy’s dead, let him have the benefit of the doubt). his crew respected him so much as well, that you can feel their own guilt when they aren’t prepared enough or when they don’t deliver what “MJ” expected. i think it’s all because aside from being mere dancers, back-up singers and instrumentalists, they are fans as well. and they know first hand that he had an immense respect for his audience not to give them less than the best, less than what they deserve. i could be wrong, but i don’t think that come concert time, “MJ” would do a britney and suddenly blurt out “Merry Christmas” at the end of a successful night or lip-sync his way through even one song. those are for fucking amateurs and poseurs who lose control of themselves and just go through the motions of fame, according to what their parents force-feed into their heads. watching the man work to recover his legend once more, i was transfixed on his amazing performance that made me look past the nasty accusations of child molestations, his odd skin pigmentation, the alleged multiple plastic surgeries, the hyperbaric chamber, etc., etc. fine, his fount of songwriting magic has indeed dried up (the OST was a re-hashed paul anka-cowritten piece from the ’80s), but he’s still got IT-those string of hits, the cool moves to match, the glimmer in his gloves that made him a legend in the first place.